37 Things Sirius Black Is No Longer Allowed To Do
by fortheweightofus
Summary: #24 I will not sprinkle holy water on my mother then cross my fingers and wait for her to spontaneously combust. It doesn't work.


**A/N: ****Not particularly funny. Based on about a million random situations I have found myself in (don't ask). Enjoy!**

37 Things Sirius Black is No Longer Allowed To Do

(marvel at the creative title)

1. I will not sing "My Best Friend's Girlfriend" at the top of my lungs every time I sit behind Lily Evans

2. I will not _move_ to sit behind Lily Evans just so I can sing "My Best Friend's Girlfriend"

3. I will not to refer to James's animagus form as 'Bambi'

4. I will not to tackle him if he refers to mine as 'Lassie'

5. "Hungry Like the Wolf" is not, nor has it ever been, Moony's theme song

6. If someone should (for whatever reason) ever yell "Oh, hot! SUPER FREAKING HOT!" I am not to look up and innocently ask who called me. (Believe me, it's happened.)

7. Especially if the person from number 6 is James and the reason he's screaming is because I cursed his breakfast (which, coincidentally, I'm not allowed to do either)

8. Screaming "RISE AND SHINE, LADIES!" at precisely 6:00 in the morning is not an appropriate way to awaken my dorm mates

9. No matter how tempting it may be, I am not allowed to wear my 'I escaped from Azkaban and all I got was this stupid t-shirt' shirt

10. Or the one that says 'I fart when I'm happy'

11. I am not to dye my hair purple and then explain it as 'artistic expression'

12. "Because I enjoy the feeling of blood rushing to my head," is not a good excuse to hang upside down from my broom at Quidditch practice and nearly give Madam Hooch a heart attack

13. I am not allowed to ask Madam Pomfrey who died and made her God

14. If someone asks me what's up, I am not to answer with "I cannot answer that question because it is against my religious principles."

15. The same thing applies for difficult exam questions

16. I am not to ask Severus Snape if he's changed his name to Severus Evans yet

17. I am not to tell James that he reminds me of someone I met in the loony bin

18. When he replies by asking me what I was doing there in the first place, I am not to reply "Looking for you."

19. When James is going on about how he and Lily are _meant_ to be because his Patronus is a stag and hers is a doe, I am not to remind him that Snape's is one too

20. My name is not Sirius White

21. I am not to tell Bellatrix that she and Filch make a cute couple

22. I am not allowed to wear a badge that reads 'Official Disturber of the Peace'

23. When Professor McGonagall asks me why I must I always be so difficult, "Because it's my only joy in life" is not an appropriate response

24. I am not to sprinkle holy water on my mother then cross my fingers and wait for her to spontaneously combust (it doesn't work)

25. The previously listed does not affect my father or brother, either

26. And sadly, neither does trying to ward them off with crucifixes

27. Wearing a 'Hello, my house is Gryffindor' sticker on my forehead will not endear me to my relatives

28. Calling Bellatrix 'Trixie' is not advisable unless I wish to die a slow and painful death

29. I am not allowed to hum my own personal spy music when I walk in the halls

30. I am not allowed to create a code name for crack…

31. …Especially if that code name is "muggle magic"

32. I am not allowed to eat chocolate frogs in class unless I brought enough for everyone

33. I am not allowed to eat chocolate frogs in class even if I *did* bring enough for everyone

34. I am not to buy deer repellent and see if it works on James

35. I am not allowed to sell bottles of 'Gryffindor Courage' to those trembling little first years…

36. …Especially because it's really just firewhisky

37. I am not allowed to end this list on an odd number because it's weird and just throws everything off…

…Oops

**Author's Note: ****So there's my list! (Inspired by this list I read once but sadly can't remember the name of). Lol, it was pretty bad, wasn't it? Hey, I know humor's not my thing. But this was fun to write and I've been writing so much angst I was depressing even MYSELF. So that was my lame way to resurface from my dark world. And now I can write even MORE angst! Mwahahahahahahaha!**

***retreats to her disturbed little world***

**Oh, and please review!**


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